fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
