If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I made him laugh his dick is mine
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
