i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
