he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Drake has all the answers
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize
