i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Randomize
