You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Drake has all the answers
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize