Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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