I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
