But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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