I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
