I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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