please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I believe in your delicious
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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