walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
It's official drugs can't kill me
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
