Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
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