I'm pants shitting drunk right now
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
We don't watch enough power rangers
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
