Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
