That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
