dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
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