I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
