Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
