He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
