i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
