Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Randomize
