Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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