It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
