3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
