I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
