the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
