neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
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I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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