made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize