some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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