I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
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