I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
