I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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