Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
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