this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
