i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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