I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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