Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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