I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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