just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
