Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
