People in love make me want to vomit
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
