Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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