so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
