I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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