I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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