I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
So vagazzling was a success
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
