he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
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Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
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Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.