Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(904): View more from Florida

Was it cool?

(1-904): View more from Florida

About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.

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(904): Was it cool? (1-904): About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon. http://tfl.nu/28fv

Replies (31) Good night (826) Bad night (7635)
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(586): View more from Michigan

i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..

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(586): i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed.. http://tfl.nu/gekz

Replies (34) Good night (5689) Bad night (1122)
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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.

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(724): the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience. http://tfl.nu/dazo

Replies (12) Good night (813) Bad night (4285)
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(850): View more from Florida

Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.

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(850): Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please. http://tfl.nu/1q4n

Replies (17) Good night (8089) Bad night (1123)
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(202): View more from Washington, DC

But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."

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(202): But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery." http://tfl.nu/8w5e

Replies (11) Good night (1557) Bad night (4344)
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(807): View more from Ontario

her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me

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(807): her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me http://tfl.nu/f0ty

Replies (15) Good night (4500) Bad night (1024)
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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter

(1-717): View more from Pennsylvania

there not mine if that helps

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(717): why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter (1-717): there not mine if that helps http://tfl.nu/k00a

Replies (6) Good night (2338) Bad night (935)
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(617): View more from Massachusetts

What time did you start drinking?

(978): View more from Massachusetts

Maybe.

(617): View more from Massachusetts

Maybe isn't a time...

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(617): What time did you start drinking? (978): Maybe. (617): Maybe isn't a time... http://tfl.nu/r4p5

Replies (14) Good night (6188) Bad night (935)
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(256): View more from Alabama

OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE

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(256): OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE http://tfl.nu/qfju

Replies (7) Good night (2346) Bad night (675)
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(512): View more from Texas

He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.

(713): View more from Texas

Yeah you should have just let that thought go.

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(512): He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay. (713): Yeah you should have just let that thought go. http://tfl.nu/ru9t

Replies (4) Good night (1128) Bad night (735)
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(325): View more from Texas

Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.

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(325): Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul. http://tfl.nu/ljpv

Replies (8) Good night (1448) Bad night (548)
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(520): View more from Arizona

Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.

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(520): Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday. http://tfl.nu/j22e

Replies (7) Good night (995) Bad night (631)
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(+33): View more from France

And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".

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(+33): And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?". http://tfl.nu/no4p

Replies (4) Good night (733) Bad night (443)
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(915): View more from Texas

God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.

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(915): God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high. http://tfl.nu/a3ox

Replies (4) Good night (1113) Bad night (394)
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(859): View more from Kentucky

I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.

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(859): I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl. http://tfl.nu/2tvq

Replies (10) Good night (784) Bad night (355)

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