omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.