This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
