The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
