I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
