I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
