I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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