when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
