Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
