We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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