Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
