Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
