woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Randomize
