Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
