i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
