I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
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