Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
