I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
