If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
