It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
