do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
i need some magic done to my vagina
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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