I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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