You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
