Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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