Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
