make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
