Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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