Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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