i jhust puked up my retainher.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
