His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
