I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize